As the departure date crept closer the list of “things to do” grew longer! Dental visits, eyes checked and glasses purchased, a visa for China – all squeezed in amongst lengthy hang out times with friends. The day before departure we are calling the doctor for malaria pills. He is recommending shots also.
The morning of departure, after a sleep in, malaria pills are difficult to find, the flight is earlier than remembered, panic is in the air as everyone is rushing to pull this lengthy trip together and make the flight. Out the door to the airport, breaking speed limits to get there.
Once checked in we discover that the travel guidebook is back at home, along with a few other travel items. There is no time to go back. We say goodbye outside the airport, a hug, a kiss, lighthearted elation that he will make the flight and depart soon. And then in a moment… he is gone.
I return home to an empty house. I take a few minutes to clean up from Christmas, and then I am there, in his room, with the laptop still on on his bed. And a flood of emotion waves over me. I am weeping, he was here and now he is gone. Where has he gone? I have no idea, and actually neither does he, because he did not organize any accommodations.
I am now abundantly aware of his flight schedule, and when he will be arriving at his final destination. My wandering imagination starts to take hold of me and in a flash I am worrying. The next morning I take these thoughts and feelings to the meditation mat. I am aware that I could lose days of my life, lost in thoughts of possibilities, until I hear from him. Yes, nadi sudhi, the breathing practice! On an inhale let me bring in the beauty of the world, on an exhale let me release these thoughts and tension.
By the evening I start to submit to the worry again, and opt for a quiet easeful bedtime. I open the bedside book of spiritual readings and start to read the message for the day. It was around serving and purpose. How useful can I be when my mind is preoccupied? How will this worrying make my life better, make our son’s life better, make the world better? Yes, the Swami knew the words to give to me, and I slept peacefully.
The first email arrived in the morning. He was well, he had met some fellow travelers, he was excited to go scuba diving. Oh, thank you yoga breathing and meditation and wisdom for carrying me through this. I celebrated by weeping.
Thank you for showing me my own humanity, and for providing me with techniques and an understanding to transcend this humanity and to go to that place of Peace, of Spirit, of Faith. My heart feels expanded with a love for the spectrum of emotions and the responses they can elicit, and for the beauty of Life.
Shanthi Shanthi